– today’s guest post coming from my awesome roomie Kat, featuring her photos –

“What do you mean you’re studying computer science? I thought, for sure, you would be studying musical theatre or drama.” This is the response I most often get when I tell people from my hometown that I’m studying computer science. And with good reason. During the majority of my teen years, the place you would most likely find me in would be a music room or a dance studio or an auditorium. I trained as a “triple threat” in singing, dancing, and acting, participated in Broadway workshops, spent my free time, non-rehearsal time writing correspondence for boutique theatre websites, and living and breathing theatre on Broadway.

And then, I left it all, gradually and then all at once.

When people ask me what happened, I usually tell them that I find the same rush of theatre from solving an algorithm, that computer science allows me to pursue creativity in the same way and still gives me a stake in creating the world that I want to live in. And this is true, but also false. The truth is that I would’ve pursued theatre and I could’ve pursued theatre, but I was afraid. Not simply because the majority of actors ending up in food services, or because I had doubts in my sensibilities and abilities as an actor (though I did). I doubted that with my skin color and with my eyes, I had the bravery to pursue something which I really, truly enjoyed and loved.

I’m Asian American. There aren’t many Asian American actors on screen, certainly not ones who look like me. And yet, this decision of mine still haunts me: did I believe that I wasn’t good enough because there was no one who looked like me on the big screen or small screen? Did I lack role models who could show me that being Asian or being Asian American is okay and something that should be celebrated? Is it because there has only been one woman of Asian descent ever nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actress? Or did I genuinely believe that I wasn’t good enough? I still could not tell you. But through my guilt I have found ways to be supportive of Asian Americans and Asians in entertainment, ways that I will share with you: