I read and read and read with an intensity I’d never really known before. I mean, I’d always considered myself to be a person who liked books. But there’s a difference between liking books and needing them. I needed books. They weren’t a luxury good during that time in my life. They were a Class A addictive substance…

There is this idea that you either read to escape or you read to find yourself. I don’t really see the difference. We find ourselves through the process of escaping. It is not where we are, but where we want to go, and all that. “Is there no way out of the mind?” Sylvia Plath famously asked. I had been interested in this question (what it meant, what the answers might be) ever since I had come across it as a teenager in a book of quotations. If there is a way out, a way that isn’t death itself, then the exit route is through words. But rather than leave the mind entirely, words help us leave a mind, and give us the building blocks to build another one, similar but better, nearby to the old one but with firmer foundations, and very often a better view.

—Reasons to Stay Alive, Matt Haig

This was a. year. of. reading, due in no small part to joining bookstagram (on March 15, 2019)! It’s such a wholesome space. Just a bunch of nerds sharing the books they love, and there’s always something to chat about, whether it’s working through cultural analyses or shipping fictional characters.

Thanks Kat for helping me come up with this handle! I love how it ties in with my blog URL, suggests that books are food for the soul (cuz you’re having books for brunch, a brunch of books, geddit??), and plays on “bunch of books.”

I read 105 books in 2019! 105!! My Goodreads reading goal was 52. Especially considering that I only read 50+ books in one of the last four years, 105 is exceptional. It was no mean feat. I would like to thank the nights of sleep who sacrificed themselves for my manic reading sessions. (I’m a slow reader, so that’s what it takes for me to read 100+ books in a year.)

For 2020, I’m keeping my Goodreads reading goal at 52. I don’t want to shy away from bigger books, and I also need to prioritise other aspects of my life, which I simply haven’t been doing, as I’ve been blissfully and stubbornly escaping into books.

I spent $167.87 on 20 books. Disclaimer: I bought more than 20 books in 2019, but I only read 20 of the books I bought. In February I want to take inventory of all the unread books on my shelf and shame myself into reading or donating them.

Now ~$168 for the year doesn’t sound too bad, but last year I only bought one book, which I bought new for $11 as a gift for a friend. To be fair, sure, last year I only bought 1 book, but I also only read 39 books, whereas this year I bought 20 of the 105 books I read. Plus, it could have been worse. I could have spent $1240.46 on Amazon.

I make pretty good use of the library, but I’d like to get even better about that. But question for you: Do library checkouts support authors? My guess is that they don’t directly support authors, but perhaps they support indirectly: if books are checked out more, libraries may acquire more copies, which would directly support authors. I wish library checkouts could do more for authors, but libraries probably need all the help they can get as well. I guess it’s on me for being cheap. But also, I want to keep my consumerism in check. But also, support creatives. But ultimately, I’m cheap. And I don’t have space in my apartment. ):

I received 10 physical books from publishers/giveaways! It might not seem like much to some people, but it feels so special to me, especially considering that I received 3 in the past two years combined. Of course there’s the excitement of being one of the firsts to read new titles, and I hope that my reviews can give back to the authors as much joy as they have given to me. In 2020 I hope to continue this, but at the same time, not get too caught up in the hype of the next shiny new thing. I’d like to be more selective of the books I choose to read in general, gifted or otherwise, focusing on quality over quantity. I’ve been working on this approach since December 2019, and so far it’s been going great. I’ve never been so excited about my TBR!

That said, if you’re in the States, I’d definitely encourage you to enter Goodreads giveaways! If you add books to your “Want to read” shelf on Goodreads, you’ll get an email whenever any of those books are hosting giveaways. You don’t need your own blog or bookstagram to enter, and there’s technically no obligation to read/rate/review [on Goodreads] the books you win, but it’s nice to.

These stats are pretty consistent with my 2018 stats, which seems like an unlikely coincidence, but I suppose that just means that these stats are quite representative of my reading habits! In 2019 I read 70% women, 20% POC, and 40% new releases; in the next chart you’ll see that I read 25% nonfiction. For comparison, in 2018 I read 60% women, 25% POC, 50% new releases, and 25% nonfiction.

I… I need to read more POC authors. Already putting together a POC author TBR for 2020!

I’m not sure what my goal is for reading new releases vs. backlist titles, but I know that I don’t want to get too swept up in the hype over new releases, which I’ve been susceptible to on bookstagram. (Though I’m surprised I read a greater percentage of new releases in 2018 than in 2019. In 2018, I read and reviewed a lot more eARCs. I’ve been requesting and reviewing fewer and fewer eARCs over the last three years.) Why am I such a clout chaser and so desperate for attention from publishers?? I need to chill out. (But also, love meee.)

In previous years, my annual reading recaps took the format of listing every single book I read that year + a rating + a 3-5 line review + a favourite quote, organised by genre. Although I have been consistently reviewing every read of 2019 throughout 2019 and—though tedious—could easily plonk all those reviews in one post, 105 reviews in one place just isn’t going to help anyone.

However, I do still want to be able to refer back to every title I’ve read in the year, and perhaps you’ve read some of them too, so I’d like a place for those books that didn’t make my top reads of the year but still deserve some appreciation.

Here, I’ve listed every book I read by genre, noted trends, gave shout outs to some books that didn’t make my top reads but were still pretty good, and shared unpopular opinions. I decided not to include my ratings for these titles because a rating without a review isn’t that insightful, and most of my ratings are 3s and 4s anyway, so that that really isn’t helpful haha. Yeah, I need to revise my rating system.

Memoir

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom • The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank • Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig • An Elegant Spirit by Sean Hepburn Ferrer • Naturally Tan by Tan France • My Own Words by Ruth Bader Ginsburg • Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb • How to be Lovely by Melissa Hellstern • The Gospel According to Coco Chanel by Karen Karbo • This Is Going to Hurt by Adam Kay • Know My Name by Chanel Miller • Born a Crime by Trevor Noah • Becoming by Michelle Obama • Bringing Home the Birkin by Michael Tonello • The Collected Schizophrenias by Esme Weijun Wang • Dear Girls by Ali Wong

I didn’t realise that I liked memoirs so much! I read many of them and they make up a good portion of my top reads of 2019. Still, I don’t know if I’d say I love memoirs in general, but rather, I enjoy specific, anecdotal takes on topics I’m already interested in.

Honourable mention: Hermès is my favourite luxury brand, so I really enjoyed Bringing Home the Birkin. Tonello gives a behind-the-scenes look into his lucrative career reselling Birkins, the world’s most coveted and elusive handbag. This was a punchy, fun, frivolous, extravagant read. • Of course, The Diary of a Young Girl is a classic.

Unpopular opinion: Didn’t love Maybe You Should Talk to Someone. It was more specific to Gottlieb’s situation and therapy as a profession than I cared for. I was mostly interested in her patients’ stories. The structure could have been more effective and done in less pages. Ironically, there’s a moment in the book Gottlieb observes, “It takes a while to hear a person’s story and for that person to tell it, and like most stories—including mine—it bounces all over the place before you know what the plot really is.”

Self-help/business

Range by David Epstein • Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis • Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis • Someday Is Not a Day in the Week by Sam Horn • So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport • The Little Book of Sloth Philosophy by Jennifer McCartney

Sometimes I find fiction more helpful than nonfiction in the self-help department. Plus, most books on productivity are repetitive. I’m not interested in reading more self-help/productivity, but I’m open to business/psychology, maybe.

Honourable mention: In So Good They Can’t Ignore You, Newport argues that skill trumps passion, and “following your passion” is about the worst advice you could give. It’s not a revolutionary sentiment, but it’s a take that challenges the sexier mindset of pursuing your passion. The book is to the point and includes summaries at the end of every chapter.

True crime

Bad Blood by John Carreyrou • I’ll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara • My Friend Anna by Rachel DeLoache Williams

The true crime books I read were a mix of violent and white collar crime. I find true crime books a lot more compelling than thrillers or true crime podcasts. A book gives more space for nuance and good journalism.

Other nonfiction

The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff • Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino

Classics

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams • Little Women by Louisa May Alcott • Emma by Jane Austen • Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett • The Stranger by Albert Camus • Breakfast at Tiffany’s by Truman Capote • The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho • Brave New World by Aldous Huxley • Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

School has taught me that I’m not big on classics, but now that I’m not forced to read them anymore, I kind of want to because FOMO. Classics often make their way into cultural conversations, and I value that. Although I don’t typically enjoy reading classics, they often leave an impression on me afterward and I appreciate them more and more as I process them over time, either in my own head or with other people.

Honourable mention: Brave New World left me with a lot to consider, particularly in this quote: “Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the over-compensations for misery. And, of course, stability isn’t nearly so spectacular as instability. And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand.” At this point in my life, between dull happiness and the grand struggle for it, I’d choose dull happiness. Brave New World illustrates a dystopian society where citizens are assigned predetermined roles to guarantee this optimised lifestyle of dull happiness. This lifestyle I think I prefer is at odds with the dystopian society Brave New World illustrates, which I obviously don’t prefer.

Literary fiction

Beartown by Fredrik Backman • The Scent Keeper by Erica Bauermeister • This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel • Ask Again, Yes by Mary Beth Keane • Miracle Creek by Angie Kim • The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo • Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng • Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng • The Distance Home by Paula Saunders • On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong • Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward

Love this genre, especially literary fiction family sagas. Half of my top fiction of 2019 are in this genre.

Unpopular opinion: I didn’t enjoy Beartown. It deals with sexual assault in a hockey town. The egos of the hockey players and the locker room talk were painful to read, which was probably the point, but to me it felt so blatant to the point of being contrived. I wan’t interested in the minutiae of hockey politics and I wasn’t a fan of the overuse of universal statements in the writing. • The writing style for On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous wasn’t for me, but if you can appreciate prose poetry, you’ll probably love it. This book doesn’t follow a particular plot so much as it offers vignettes to create a portrait of a family.

Historical fiction

The Glittering Hour by Iona Grey • The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd • The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

I’m not big on this genre unless it’s WWII fiction done with care. Lots of historical fiction I’ve come across have been too wistful for me, but I do find how WWII fiction juxtaposes the worst and best of humanity interesting.

Domestic drama

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman • Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty • Lies Lies Lies by Adele Parks • My Crazy (Sick) Love by Drica Pinotti • Where’d You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple

Actively dislike this genre. I didn’t know it then, but I know it now. Unfortunately, sometimes you don’t know what genre a book is until you read it. I went into these reads thinking they were literary fiction or thrillers or romance, but upon finishing them, I relegated them to the category of “domestic drama.” What makes a book a domestic drama? I can’t quite pinpoint it, but there seems to be some element of commercial frivolity to it. Maybe this is just my biased category of one-/two-star contemporary fiction/thriller/romance/[insert genre here].

Unpopular opinion: I didn’t like Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine and thought Eleanor was creepy, which tinged my reading experience. The story was unexpectedly dark, which I didn’t mind, but wrapped up too quickly and neatly. • I didn’t like the TV series adaptation of Big Little Lies. I could only get through two episodes.

Romance

Call Me By Your Name by Andre Aciman • Things You Save in a Fire by Katherine Arden • Fix Her Up by Tessa Bailey • American Panda by Gloria Chao • Emergency Contact by Mary HK Choi • Wallbanger by Alice Clayton • We Met in December by Rosie Curtis • Please Send Help by Gaby Dunn and Allison Raskin • The Friend Zone by Abby Jimenez • I Owe You One by Sophie Kinsella • The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren • Twice in a Blue Moon by Christina Lauren • Boy Meets Boy by David Leviathan • Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire • Daisy Jones & The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

I didn’t realise I read this much romance. I don’t think I read that much romance in general, but I have phases when I read a lot of romance in a short period of time, plowing through one a night. I’m fine with that. Sometimes you just be in one of those moods hehe.

Honourable mention: I had fun reading The Unhoneymooners. The chemistry was real, and the banter and bickering fulfilled some kind of middle school satisfaction in me. Wasn’t totally satisfied with the end because I hold a mean grudge, but still enjoyed overall. • Daisy Jones & The Six is more popularly categorised as historical fiction for being set in the rock and roll era of the late 70s, but idk, I read it as a romance. Anyways, TJR made the characters feel so real that I had to Google “Daisy Jones & The Six” just to make sure they weren’t. I enjoy reading and watching interviews with music artists irl, so the interview-style format of this book suited me. I’m so nosy.

Unpopular opinion: I read an eARC of Normal People by Sally Rooney in 2018, but since it published in 2019, I’ll mention it here. Didn’t love it. I found the characters frustrating (if I knew them irl, I’d walk away) and the writing style dry, whereas others found it packed with intense emotion. • I wanted to love Call Me By Your Name so badly because I loved the film adaptation, but alas, it turns out I’m a fake fan. The story was a little too much for me—too obsessive, too graphic, and at times, too pretentious.

Fantasy

Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi • The Hazel Wood by Melissa Albert • The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden • Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo • Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo • Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo • Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo • Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo • King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo • Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo • House of Salt and Sorrows by Erin A Craig • Some Kind of Happiness by Claire Legrand • The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern • A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness • The Crowns of Croswald by DE Night • The Girl with the Whispering Shadow by DE Night • Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by JK Rowling • Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by JK Rowling

Fantasy was my favourite genre in my childhood, but I hadn’t read fantasy for a long time… until now. I got back into fantasy this year and really went for it. It all started with Children of Blood and Bone and reached its climax with Leigh Bardugo’s Grishaverse books. I hoped to finish my reread of Harry Potter this year (the first reread in my entire life, which started October 2018 lol rip) but still have the last one to go. It doesn’t take me long to read them, but it takes me awhile to pick them up. I’m not used to rereading books!

Honourable mention: I loved Children of Blood and Bone, which I read in February, and I initially included it in my most memorable reads of 2019, but when I got around to starting Children of Virtue and Vengeance in December, I realised that I forgot most of what happened in the previous book and gave up two chapters in. So perhaps not the most memorable read haha, although that may have more to do with the fact that I sped through the 500+ paged book in a night and a morning, trying to return it to the library on time. I do remember really loving it though. Would recommend if you’re looking for YA fantasy.

Unpopular Opinion: Ninth House was boring to me. It was slow paced and heavy on the world building. I didn’t understand the character motivations. There was an evil villain speech at the end. Still love Leigh Bardugo though. Will read anything she publishes, except for the rest of this series.

Sci-fi

Hollow Kingdom by Kira Jane Buxton • Dark Matter by Blake Crouch • Recursion by Blake Crouch • The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories by Ken Liu

I’m surprised I read this few sci-fi, considering how much I thought I loved this genre. Hollow Kingdom isn’t even really sci-fi, but I put it here because it seemed closest to sci-fi; it’s more zombie apocalypse/horror. Definitely need and want to read more of this genre in 2020.

Honourable mention: The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories is a collection of short stories that transcend genres, being historical, futuristic, and fantastical. My favourite stories were the ones that had Asian-American themes: in “The Paper Menagerie,” a boy distances himself from his Asian heritage as he tries to fit in with his American friends; “All the Flavors” blends the history of Chinese immigrants in Idaho mining towns, folk stories, and food; in “The Literomancer,” a girl learns about her Asian heritage through the magic and beauty of language; “Good Hunting” blends tradition and modernity with folk magic and steampunk.

Thriller

No Exit by Taylor Adams • The Woman in the Window by AJ Finn • The Arrangement by Robyn Harding • Providence by Caroline Kepnes • She Lies in Wait by Gytha Lodge • The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides • Spare Room by Dreda Say Mitchell • The Whisper Man by Alex North • Wilder Girls by Rory Power • If We Were Villains by ML Rio • The Chestnut Man by Soren Sveistrup

I thought I liked this genre (most of my bookstagram buddy reads are for thrillers after all), but I only liked 2 of the 11 thrillers I read, and was annoyed by the rest—not even neutral. I’m learning from this and going to try to read less of this genre in 2020. More true crime and sci-fi instead, please!

Honourable mention: The Chestnut Man gave me some Criminal Minds vibes. The misogyny and outright violence against women was a little too hardcore for me (creepy psychological thrillers are more up my alley), but I did appreciate that there was a larger plot/someee method to the madness (I mean, as much method to madness as murder can have).

Unpopular opinion: In The Silent Patient, I couldn’t get past the protagonist’s saviour complex and boundary issues. The end was predictable to me. But it was an easy, fast-paced thriller to read. • Wilder Girls has the most beautiful cover, but the melodramatic sentence fragments gave me heart palpitations, making it physically painful to read. The character dynamics were confusing and there was a lack of context, leaving the reader with too many questions. Even people who enjoyed the book had many unanswered questions.

Other fiction

Dear Evan Hansen by Val Emmich • Home Remedies by Xuan Juliana Wang

~

Top reads of 2019

The moment we’ve all been waiting for! My top reads of the year just so happened to balance out at 8 nonfiction and 8 fiction. I didn’t narrow down to an exclusive list of my top 10 reads or seek out my top 19 reads for 2019; if a book is good, it’s good. Last year I was only able to pick out 2 notable reads out of the 39 I read, so I’m beyond happy with my selection this year.

Know My Name by Chanel Miller

Victims exist in a society that tells us our purpose is to be an inspiring story. But sometimes the best we can do is tell you we’re still here, and that should be enough. Denying darkness does not bring anyone closer to the light.

On the Stanford Rape Case.

Currently in this political/social/cultural climate, there’s lots of conversation around sexual assault, which is amazing, but Chanel’s voice cuts through the frighteningly repetitive stories of sexual assault and adds something new and nuanced to the conversation. She has a certain grace, and is so honest and artful with her words. That’s not to say that she shies from the dark, confusing, messy parts of humanity. Far from it. She let every emotion in. This is a story of trauma and demons, healing and miracles.

It’s the first book I can recall that I’ve loved and that I’ve had a hard time picking back up in between sittings. That’s ok.

This Is Going to Hurt by Adam Kay

Later, I realize there actually would be a way to practice the exact kind of small motor skills I need ahead of time. I text my mom to ask if she by any chance still has that game of Operation tucked away in a drawer.
She replies to say she’s found it. She also has a Magic 8-Ball, she tells me, in case I need it for my diagnoses.

Diary entries of a medical resident. HAHAHAH. Short, punchy, hilarious, completely entertaining, plus an unexpectedly informative and insightful look into the health-care system. For fans of Scrubs. A true joy to read.

This story follows an ordinary suburban family whose comfortable rhythm is shaken by the arrival of the 15yo son one of the daughters gave up in a closed adoption. This family saga particularly resonated with me because I saw aspects of myself in each member of the family—the lost parts of each most of all.

I think so much of making a relationship work has to do with choosing to be kind even when you may not feel like it. It sounds like the most obvious thing in the world but it’s much easier said than done, don’t you think?

New auto-read authors: Jia Tolentino, Celeste Ng, Blake Crouch, Leigh Bardugo.

What’s one of your most memorable reads of 2019, and what’s one book you’re looking forward to reading in 2020? If you wrote a reading recap, feel free to link it in the comments! I’d love to check it out. Looking for the best books to read in 2020 ヾ(о-ω･)ﾉ⌒★

PS: 2018 in books, 2017 in books, 2016 in books, 2015 in books

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