“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”
Most of the time, I find popular mantras, affirmations, pep talks, or words of wisdom meaningless or painfully obvious. But in the past few months, I’ve developed an appreciation for them and have realised that it’s all about timing. The same mantra may be meaningless at one point in your life or even most of your life, but be exactly what you need to hear at another. And right now, this is the one I need to hear.
It’s all about change and taking that one, different, step to change.
Last month I shared my no-nonsense guide to finally doing the thing, and key to it was identifying problem points and targeting them. Something I implied but probably should have said a little more explicitly was that this process would catalyse change.
Now I don’t want to get into all the hullaballoo about why I feel insane and why I need change because I feel like my life has come to a standstill since graduation and how the monotony is tiring (I think I’ve lamented about that often enough) (can you tell I’m NOT insane??), SO instead I’m getting straight into the small updates and changes in my life, four weeks into January 2019:
I’m definitively calling myself a freelance photographer. I get a lot of anxiety when people ask me about what I’m up to, since I’m still looking for a traditional full-time job. Friends have the best intentions and just want to be in touch and up to date, but the question stresses me out. Hopefully now, with this answer tucked in my arsenal, the anxiety will subside. It is true after all. Although I’m not a full-time freelance photographer and am not actively securing gigs, I’m the go-to assistant for a small photo booth business in Philly, and I’m available for hire to people looking for photoshoots who have heard about my work through word of mouth, mostly through my college network. Perhaps now that I recognise myself as a freelance photographer, I will be more active in that capacity; it’s almost like writing myself into existence. I might get back in touch with some local bloggers I’ve collaborated with previously, which would be as easy as DM-ing on Instagram, and I could also let people in my community know that I’m available for individual photoshoots, but I’ll have to think about the logistics of that some more. But securing more gigs isn’t my priority; the next thing is.
I’m pursuing graphic design in book publishing. I’ve thought about pursuing user experience design or pursuing some kind of marketing, but I’ve decided on this pursuit. Retrospectively, I think I considered user experience design because it seemed like the best bridge between technology (I majored in computer science, as well as linguistics) and design (which is what I’m interested in), and I think I considered marketing because for some reason it was always the recruiters for marketing roles that got back to me. But what I think I’m most passionate about, that I have talent for that is unrefined but that can be cultivated, is graphic design in book publishing. If I’m going for a career switch, I might as well go for what I want instead of what is most practical and close enough to what I want, right? After all, I’ve already forgone what’s most practical by going for a career switch. I’ve had so many back up plans, but haven’t thrown myself fully into any one thing because I’ve been tugged every which way by what other people are doing, what other people think I should be doing because of what they think I’m good at, what I think I’m good at, what I enjoy, what’s available, etc. Now that I’ve decided on graphic design in book publishing (a decision informed by an informational interview and reflecting on a past project I’ve done), I can focus myself and take real steps.
I reached out to old professors. It’s always been difficult for me to ask for help. I don’t like showing weakness or inability to accomplish anything. But something had to change. I emailed my design professor, who I hadn’t seen for a year, asking for advice about pursuing graphic design without very much prior experience. He replied rather quickly, letting me know that he was happy to hear from me, and that he would print out my email, think about it some more, and catch up over a call. We spoke for almost an hour. I learned about how he had initially worked in advertising and made his own career switch into graphic design. He believed I had an eye for design and encouraged me. And he advised me on my next step and gave me something to focus on. I’m so thankful that even after all this time, he was so willing to help me out.
(Okay enough of all that career stuff.)
I got a three-month membership at a university gym. I couldn’t believe how difficult it was to find an indoor pool in the city. I considered joining the YMCA, but my mom wasn’t a fan because she said all those pools were filled with pee since the YMCA’s demographic is mostly families with little kids or old people. I don’t know how true any part of that statement was, but somehow I could see her point. Plus, I don’t live in the best neighbourhood, so the YMCA in my neighbourhood might be a little sketchy. So I looked for sports clubs, but most didn’t have indoor pools, or if they did, they weren’t in great condition. And the ones that did have good indoor pools were very exclusive, expensive, and had long waitlists. Finally I found a big university that allowed membership from people outside their community and signed up. It was $150 for three months, and it takes me $5-6 to Lyft from my apartment every time; a bus ride is $2.50, but since I’d need to transfer, it’d be $5, so I might as well catch a Lyft. I just started my membership last Wednesday and swam Wednesday and Friday. I’ve been rolling out of bed mid-morning, eating a quick breakfast, and then catching a Lyft to the pool with bleary eyes. I kinda love it. It reminds me of when I had morning practice in school (I swam competitively from 6th grade through freshman year of college). Plus, I am swimming at a school. I’m hoping to keep up swimming Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
I’m learning French and Korean on Duolingo. I’ve tried French on Duolingo a few times, got really into maintaining a streak, but would stop whenever I eventually broke my streak. This year I’m practising building habits with kindness instead of rigor, so I’m trying not to get so hung up on the streak or viewing breaking the streak as a failure. I’m just doing it for fun. I’ve also taken up Korean for fun, but I’m quite terrible at recognising the alphabet, so I might not be able to rely solely on Duolingo and might have to practise the alphabet on paper. But the language I really need to brush up on is Chinese, which I’ve been wanting to do by reading a book in Chinese. It would have to be middle school level though. Or a translation of a book I’ve already read in English, which is one way I’ve heard other people build their reading comprehension in another language.
I’m knitting. Recently, I’ve been reminded of the value of having a hobby just for the fun of it, or even having a hobby that you’re bad at. The one I’ve been taking up is knitting. I learned how to knit years ago but never completed anything before. Over winter break, I visited home, stumbled upon my old knitting basket, and found a half-finished scarf. I finished up the scarf, gave the lumpy thing to my brother (which he graciously wore), and packed the needles to bring back with me to Philly. When I got back, I ordered yarn off Amazon and started knitting away. So far my rows are neat and it’s not turning out lumpy! I’m knitting the most basic scarf, but I’m planning to make it rather large, and the yarn I picked out was super soft (search “Bernat blanket yarn” on Amazon if you want super soft yarn for your own project!), so it’s gonna be real cosy. I’m already anticipating knitting more scarves and have informed my friends about this new hobby and that I would love to knit scarves for them if they want and they can pick their own yarn off Amazon and ship it to me :3
I decorated my second windowsill and hung up my aerium. Small apartment updates from when I first moved in! My second windowsill is home to the few books I own, the journals I reach for most often, pretty decorative boxes, cute stuffed animals, a letter board, and a light box. My aerium was originally sitting on a shelf, but I was worried about it not getting enough sunlight, so I hung it up from a command hook by the window. I’ve never hung anything straight down from the ceiling before, so this was an interior decorating milestone for me hehh.
I’m messaging friends more often. I’m the worst at keeping in touch. But post-grad, friends have been the most important thing for my mental health. I have no idea how I would have survived these last few months without them. When I feel like a lump of no good nothing, they make me feel human. So I really want to make an effort to keep in touch. Sometimes it’s hard, because I don’t want to get into the drama and uncertainty of my life at the moment, but by learning a mix of 1) recognising where I am with some things and explaining them definitively, and 2) figuring out other things that I’m not so sure about with them by talking it out, I’m getting more comfortable with it. I’ve been popping into group texts and individual texts with small updates, tagging friends in memes, replying to Instagram Stories (I recently read an interesting article on how Instagram DMs are an antidote to the difficulties of adult friendships), meeting friends for coffee, and inviting friends over to cook dinner together (more affordable than eating out and also fun!).
I’m tracking my spendings. I used to eyeball my spendings by checking the balance on my credit card when I paid it off at the end of every month, but that meant I wasn’t tracking spendings from my debit card, Venmo, or cash. I’ve been anxious about money since graduation, so to kick off 2019, this month I started logging all my spendings chronologically in my journal. Not only will this help me track my individual and total spendings, but I’ll also be able to categorise my spendings, relieve guilt about necessary spendings, and notice unnecessary spendings. The month is not yet over so I haven’t finalised how I’m categorising spendings, but so far I’m thinking that I’ll categorise by groceries, coffee/cafe, bubble tea, food (eating out), transportation, monthlies (rent, internet, electric), and misc. I have half a mind to share my monthly spendings on my blog just for fun, as was trendy to do so amongst business blogs in the past as well as personal lifestyle blogs to a lesser extent, but that’s probably more information than you need.
I started a book blog on Tumblr. I share book reviews on my blog, but I wanted a low commitment and low pressure way to do that and less and more. I’m not confident in my book reviews and when I share them on my blog, I feel like I have to make it big and meaningful, when sometimes I only have a little to say. On my blog, I either have long book reviews as individual posts, or super short opinions lumped in my monthly recaps. This new Tumblr blog gives me a space for something in between, but also the flexibility to do more or less. I’ve enjoyed using Tumblr like I did in 2012, picking out a theme, customising it, browsing HTML/CSS tutorials, and fiddling with a hovering updates tab. As for the content of the Tumblr, I occasionally reblog pretty pictures of random books, but mostly I reblog or post original content for books I’m currently reading including reviews, quotes, and bookstagram photos, which I’ve been practising myself (as in, I took one picture of The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories by Ken Liu when I brought it with me on holiday to Hawaii).
I’m writing monthly TBRs. This was inspired by Michelle x Daisybutter’s monthly reading lists! I’m just scribbling mine in my journal for myself, as I don’t think I could make a whole blog post on my TBR (what could I say? I haven’t read it yet!), but maybe I’ll start throwing them into my monthly recaps. I’m trying to keep my monthly TBRs to five books because it’s the perfect aspirational yet realistic number for me, but there are sooo many more books I want to read! It helps to whittle down a list of monthly TBRs though, instead of relying on my huge (and always expanding) TBR on Goodreads. I feel like TBR lists on Goodreads — lists that accumulate all the books you want to read ever — are overwhelming to the point of being hypothetical. But monthly TBRs are real game plans of what you’ll read next. I’ve found that putting together monthly TBRs reignites excitement about reading and motivates me to keep up my reading habit. So far this month, I’ve read two books from my monthly TBR, two books not from my monthly TBR, and am currently reading one not on my monthly TBR… bUT THAT’S OKAY! All that matters is that I’m reading and loving it.
What’s a new change in your life you’re excited about?
Side note:
I’m going to come clean and say that I thought my previous blog post was kinda haphazardly put together. The title “Where I get books” promised something informative, but my answers were pretty obvious: from the library (you don’t say), online (vague), or received to read and review (good for you). Really, all I wanted to do with that post was learn about YOUR book buying habits and where YOU get books.
Despite the haphazard post, I had the BEST time chatting with y’all about your book buying habits and where you get books. It was perhaps the most engaging discussion I’ve had on the blog in awhile, and I’ve picked up a few tips from y’all!
So I wanted to thank you for breathing life into that post. It motivated me to go back and update that post a little more specifically with practical tips and give it a little more structure using headings. It’s done already, so you can give it a quick and easy skim (thanks to the headings woohoo) if you’re curious. I daresay you might even pick up an extra tip about getting free books!