I recently read an article in Mind This Magazine by Ilya Yefremov that referenced Nobel-laureate psychologist Daniel Kahneman’s TED Talk, in which he talked about how the mind is divided into the “experiencing self” and the “remembering self,” where the experiencing self “perceives the world in the immediacy of the moment” and the remembering self “reflects on the moments that have passed and constructs a narrative which serves as the basis for our memories.” Yefremov adopts this framework and asks, “Is it not almost better to focus on the more lasting world – the world of the remembering self – a world which we can affect?”
I found her advocation for the remembering self striking, because the common argument in the modern day seems to be for the experiencing self. We always hear “be more present.” And for good reason. We spend a lot of time behind our screens, and even when we’re out experiencing things, we feel this urge to document everything, whether for social media or otherwise, so we pull out a screen and snap some shots.
But perhaps the experiencing self and the remembering self don’t need to be at odds with each other. Yes, be present. But that doesn’t mean we need to devalue the remembering self in order to do so. In fact, the remembering self is what this virtual space is all about. It’s why I started blogging. And so, even though it’s March, I am writing this for my remembering self. When I look back on it, perhaps at the end of 2018, it won’t matter that I posted in March rather than January, but it will matter that I posted at all.
Taking it all the way back to New Year 2017, I was in Beijing. I had just gotten off a rough fall semester of junior year, and so I was determined to have a restful winter break. And restful it was. I had zero responsibilities and zero things to do, and I was bored as heck but knew to cherish it, because inevitibly I’d return to school and be wishing for something as calm as boredom. Sheena and Ray kept me sane in Beijing. We were all in the same boat–bored from being housebound with crappy Chinese internet, but also uninspired to leave the house and taint our lungs with the Beijing air.
Back in Philly and coming into the spring semester of junior year, I wanted to be proactive about making time for people I care about and things that make me happy, rather than waiting for “when I’m less busy,” because really, will that time ever come? In the previous semester, too many things had taken a backseat in my attempt to survive the academic semester. But this time, I knew that setting aside time for myself and for other people would be what I needed to survive the semester. And so, during the first weekend of the spring semester, Steph, Kat, Julia, and I made a day trip to Brooklyn, and I snuck in a mini photoshoot with Steph too.
Not all worthwhile memories have to be big trips to different cities. In fact, I’ve always cherished the smaller moments. This night will be tucked into my collection of what I imagine to be quintessentially college moments (along with this one from freshman year back in 2015). When else will your friend’s friend flake on him and be left with a pack of beer that needs to be drunk and so everyone comes over to your apartment to help the poor friend and take the load off his hands? We’re just good friends like that. (Or alcoholics.)
My second photoshoot of the year was with Alex, and we shot on campus. Starting off 2017, I gave myself the challenge of doing a photoshoot a month (starting with Steph in Brooklyn), but the challenge fell off once the semester ended and I went off for summer break, and I never picked it back up. Who knows, maybe I’ll pick it back up some time in 2018. Although I didn’t complete my 2017 photography challenge, I’m glad I got in the photoshoots I did. They began for my own creative experimentation, but they turned out to also be a sort of homage to my friends, in a way that I hadn’t done on the blog before, and it’s been so special to share this lil virtual space with them and be excited together about creating things.
A few weeks later, I shot with Austin, and we ended up with such a variety of photos that I shared them on the blog in two separate posts here and here! Once again, so much fun shooting with friends, and so nice to hang out with each other outside the context of computer science, moments which are fewer than I’d like.
Later that month, I visited World Cafe Live for the first time to see Daniela Andrade with Steph. Steph and I were celebrating the completion of an arduous group project… three months prior. Daniela Andrade’s concert date had serendipitously fallen on the night of the day we presented our group project, but she got sick and had to postpone her concert, so we didn’t get to see her until 2017, but we got to see her! And it was a good time. Dang I want to be as graceful and talented as Daniela Andrade.
This wasn’t a milestone or a special event in any sense; I just like this photo with Kat and Julia. It was a rare warm day early in the year, and we had all unintentionally coordinated, so we had to take a band pic! (We’re not a band.)
Spring break, the only break of the spring semester. Since it was the only break, I wanted to keep my spring break low key and stay in Philly. Stay in Philly I did, but low key it was not. And I had no regrets! Besides hanging out with friends and exploring the city together, I also got more involved with the PHLbloggers network, and met and collaborated with several Philly-based bloggers for the first time (“collaborated” as in “photographed”). I was so nervous about working with models who weren’t my friends (yet), and would browse Instagram for poses before every shoot in case we’d get stuck and I needed to give direction. I’m still trying to find the balance between providing direction and allowing the model to be natural in showing their own personality, but with every shoot I gain a little more experience.
After my first PHLblogger shoot over spring break, I got more exposure within the network, especially with fashion bloggers, and had shoots lined up almost every day that week. They were all free, but it was my first time shooting with “clients,” so the experience and friendships were payment enough. They even carried into my first day back at school! This last shoot was a special one; we booked a location for it! (Usually I just roam the streets of the city.) We shot at Lokal Hotel and I’m still obsessed with it. I love their location in Old City, the fact that they support local businesses, and their interior design in general.
Did I mention that at the time we shot at Lokal Hotel, the hotel wasn’t even open yet? They were still putting the finishing touches on a few rooms, and had two completed rooms, which we shot in. After our shoot, Lokal Hotel’s marketing/PR dude invited us to their launch party, which would be at the beginning of the following month. Social parties aren’t exactly my thing (anxiety!) but I felt so legit.
After a bunch of shoots with fashion bloggers, it was nice to go back to my comfort zone of shooting with friends. Kat and I roamed the city to shoot some Adidas looks, because I was teasing her about being a walking Adidas ad.
The following afternoon, I did a paid spring photoshoot for my class (as in the class of 2018, not for a course I’m taking or anything). It was crazy shooting for so many people at once and I realised that I much preferred shooting one-on-one, but learning that in itself made it a worthwhile experience. And whilst it was crazy and a bit overwhelming, that’s not to say it didn’t have its fun moments. Having a group of hype-women behind your shoots creates energy like you wouldn’t believe! It’s also good for getting those candid laughing photos ;P
That same month, I attended my first blogging conference, which was hosted by PHLbloggers! (Geez, do I do anything besides blogging and photoshoots??) The fact that I had met a few PHLbloggers over spring break eased my mind a bit, but I was definitely toeing my comfort zone. After the conference, I hustled to put together a blog post recapping the event and published it the following day, determined to be the first to do so of all the attending bloggers (I succeeded hohoho); you can check out the official recap on the conference website, which also links other attendee recaps at the end of the post. Something I learned about blogging conferences in general is that the goal of these conferences isn’t as much to develop a specific skill as it is to network and get inspired; if you want to develop a specific skill, I’ve seen people recommend e-courses instead.
Another first was my first technical interview. I still don’t know whether it was a traumatising experience or a growing experience. Probably both. I mean, pretty crazy that I got flown out for my first technical interview. Blessed.
After the whirlwind that was April, it was finally time for end-of-term celebrations. My computer science friends and I went out for dinner at SouthGate. It was a celebration of survival. We survived the computer science major so far, good job. (The background photo is from Sweetgreen though. Their Harvest Bowl, yum. I’ve never ordered anything else.)
May Day, one of Bryn Mawr’s most cherished traditions, which marks the first weekend of May and the end of classes. White dresses, flower crowns, and live music. This year (2017) we somehow nabbed Khalid, and even had money in our budget to spare for an additional artist, Kodie Shane, who I hadn’t heard of before but I loved her energy. Living off campus for the first time, my roomie and I missed a lot of the morning festivities because we walked to campus (and I kept getting distracted along the way with photographs and videos). But next year (2018), I’m determined to attend every activity and aspect of May Day, and vlog it from beginning to end (my May Day 2015 vlog is my most popular Youtube video).
Graduation for my senior friends! Steph and I crafted some motivational signs to troll Alex and Kyu with. After embarrassing the two of them at Haverford thoroughly enough, I scrambled over to Bryn Mawr to shoot Friend’s graduation photos (for hire!). And then right after that, I headed out for summer break, kicking it off with a west coast road trip through San Francisco, Seattle, and Portland with Kat and Julia. Busy busy day.
The highlight of the San Francisco leg for me was Tomás Saraceno’s Stillness in Motion – Cloud Cities exhibit at the SFMOMA.
Of the three west coast cities we hit up, Seattle was my favourite. Maybe I’m biased because my family visits Seattle quite often. But my argument for Seattle is that I like how close everything is, how there’s a creative community of small businesses, and yet how it still feels like a big, bustling city. On the other hand, I felt unsafe in San Francisco, and there wasn’t very much happening in Portland.
Whilst I wouldn’t live in Portland, I think it’s a great place to visit for the nature scenes; we hiked Multnomah Falls.
Before heading home to Beijing for the summer, I had a bit of time to recuperate in Philly and check in with friends before we all headed off in different directions for the break. One of my favourite nights was at Spruce Street Harbor Park’s Waterfront Sessions. Attending city-wide events always make me feel so much more connected to the city, and with every one of these events, Philly feels more and more like home.
I was sent my first hardcover book to review! I’m glad it got mailed to me before I left for Beijing. Anyways, typically I receive e-galleys and send them to my Kindle, so this was an exciting milestone even though it wasn’t my favourite mystery novel.
My brother, who had just finished his freshman year of college in New York (not the city), came over to visit me in Philly. I took him around to a few places, mostly food places (pictured above is from A La Mousse), because there’s not much else he’ll go out for haha. Then, we flew home to Beijing together!
I didn’t have any plans for the summer so my time in Beijing was pretty aimless. I knew I’d have a lot of free time, so I wanted to work on personal projects or develop new skills, but without the ability to Google in Beijing (it’s blocked), I was uninspired and unmotivated. So instead, I put my efforts into being more wholesome, i.e. sleeping and waking up at normal times, eating proper meals, reading, and reaching out to friends. I took a weekend trip to Shanghai where I visited Sheena and Grace. It was the first time I made a trip without the intention to explore; all I wanted was to chat and spend quality time with my friends!
One of the activities I did in Shanghai was visit 田子坊 with Grace. It’s an enclave of boutique shops, and within that we stumbled upon a shop where we could make our own music box. Grace and I created one together and I’m still obsessed with it; it’s sitting above my fireplace in my apartment. We were very thoughtful about each element we incorporated onto the music box (check out my blog post for all the details!), and I think it definitely embodies part of our friendship.
Seeing as I had so much time on my hands over summer break and my dad just so happened to have a business trip in Cambridge, the family decided to make a trip of it: over the course of ten days, we hit up Cambridge, London, and Paris, all of which I was visiting for the first time in my life! Surprisingly, of the three cities, my favourite experience was Cambridge; the pace of life suited me very well.
I spent most of my time in London meeting up with two friends from high school, Poonie and Mira! I’ll always remember the morning we did hot yoga then walked over to Camden Market for lunch. What a wholesome morning!
Paris at last. I made my peace and knew that I wouldn’t be able to cram everything I wanted to see in one trip (a two-day trip for that matter!). It was so lovely to see Ariane and be taken around Paris by a French-speaking person. Some other favourite moments were an afternoon roaming through Montmartre with my family (although my brothers probably wouldn’t agree because roaming isn’t exactly their thing, but we soothed them with gelato), and a chill evening at our Airbnb with Ladurée (my brothers would probably agree because, a) indoors at Airbnb, and b) desserts).
After the whirlwind trip through Europe, I had a few uneventful weeks to recuperate in Beijing before heading back to Philly to begin the next school year–my senior year (for which I wrote myself a letter)! Just a few days before senior year started, I turned 21 and celebrated with Bomi. We made an obligatory trip to the liquor store and I flashed my ID to buy rosé and peach brandy. Then we headed back to my apartment to make rosé sangria, order in Indian food, and watch Criminal Minds.
A few days later, more friends started trickling back to campus, just in time for the school year to start. Even though we all go to the same school, it’s difficult coordinating all of our schedules, so we made sure to hang out before the school year got too busy. We had pizza from Snap Pizza and shakes and ice cream from Hope’s Cookies.
On our quest to spend more time together, we jumped on Philly Free Week and hit up the Philadelphia Magic Gardens. For free! Ever since I first visited the Magic Gardens during the fall break of my sophomore year, friends have kept asking me to make another trip with them (for them it’d be their first time visiting), so we finally got to tick that off their lists.
I was really involved on campus during my freshman year (with three high-commitment activities to start), but by the end of junior year, I had dropped all my extra-curricula. Coming into my senior year, I realised that although I needed to focus on life after college, I didn’t want to leave college completely behind, so I wanted to get involved with at least one thing on campus. So I relaunched Her Campus at Bryn Mawr! During our first month, Her Campus had an event with J.Crew, which I attended as a VIP, so that was cool.
I ran into my freshman year roomie on campus and she asked if I was down to shoot graduation invitation photos for her and her best friend Azalia (for hire). I said I was down and that they should message me with details. My roomie never did end up getting back to me, but Azalia did. I just gotta say that that girl knows how to pose! It wasn’t so much that she was great at posing (I mean, she was though) but that she served a variety of looks and got really playful with it, which made it really fun for me too.
The first Senior Cocktail of the school year! I’m not big on social gatherings, but I went for my girls! It was a lot of fun getting ready together (as in, them getting ready and me just hangin’ out because all I ever do is pull on a dress then head out the door), even if I only stayed at the actual cocktail for 5-10 minutes.
I was invited to United By Blue’s tour and tasting event for their new store! The marketing dude at Lokal Hotel moved to United By Blue and he remembered me :’) I’m very selective about opportunities I accept, but I didn’t hesitate to accept this one, as I’ve been a long-time supporter of their business (both of their cafe and of their cause). I brought along Jennifer as my plus one, because I knew how much she loved (and still loves) United By Blue, and it was also comforting to have at least one other person I knew at the event with me.
After seeing my shoot with Azalia, Nyasa reached out to hire me for a shoot as well. The wonders of the internet! Just goes to show how an online presence can be beneficial at the local level as well.
Back at it again with my girls, this time for our third Thanksgiving in a row. This one was especially bittersweet as it was the Thanksgiving of our senior year. As per tradition, the five of us celebrated in NYC at Georgina’s. Usually when in NYC, we try to make the most out of being there and wander around the city, but this time, we spent almost all of our time inside Georgina’s apartment, and almost all of that time horizontally. Self-care!! Us seniors need our sleep.
The rest of the semester flew by, and before I knew it, I was at the end of the first half of senior year. This period was stressful, for sure, especially as I was finishing up my senior thesis, but the holidays made everything bearable–maybe even wonderful. Before we headed off for winter break, I hosted two get-togethers with friends at my apartment, in which we cooked and ate together. The novelty of cooking hasn’t worn off for them, as they live on campus and don’t have convenient access to kitchens like I do living off campus in an apartment with its own kitchen.
The day after I flew home to Beijing for winter break, my family and I flew out to Okinawa to celebrate the New Year, and there concluded 2017.
It was a good year, encapsulating the spring semester of junior year and the fall semester of senior year, which might very well be my two favourite semesters of college, for reasons both on and off campus. 2017 fell right after a difficult fall semester of junior year (due to an overload of difficult courses) and right before I needed to start thinking about life post-grad (or what I like to call, “the real world”). 2017 was the year I focused on myself and on doing things I found fulfilling. I created. I discovered.
In 2018, I hope to reconcile what I love to do and what I need to do. As I find more and more things I love to do (yay!), it feels like less and less things measure up (boo). It would be easy to go all-in with something I love with no practical plan. It would be easy to take a traditional route with a path laid out since the dawn of time. But it would be so, so much more rewarding to pave my own path, for what I love, for what I need, and for what the world never knew it needed.
2017 by month: january, february, march, april, may, june, july, august, september, october, november, december